


Five Times Imperfect

by MachineQueen



Category: Fire Emblem: If | Fire Emblem: Fates
Genre: Character Study, F/M, Five Times, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-14
Updated: 2018-07-14
Packaged: 2019-06-10 09:41:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,614
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15288765
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MachineQueen/pseuds/MachineQueen
Summary: The perfect man has a few imperfect tendencies.But mistakes can sometimes lead to good as well as bad.





	Five Times Imperfect

**Author's Note:**

> I tried to see how many times I could get the word 'perfect' into this fic without it feeling unnatural. I think I managed 20 (including variations such as 'imperfect' as well). 
> 
> It's supposed to be a kind of character study but this is really one of my first attempts at anything that's not straight up plot-y.

1.

“Are you listening to me, Subaki?”

“Of course, Father,” said Subaki, tearing his eyes away from the sky. His father eyed him, his lined face serious. They looked nothing alike. Subaki considered it a lucky thing indeed that he had inherited his mother’s looks.

“Every time you are seen in public, you are representing our family. So I don’t want to hear any more nonsense about starting fights. We can’t afford to have anything less than a perfect reputation. Understand?”

“I didn’t start a fight. I finished one,” said Subaki.

His father growled and Subaki flinched. His father had never hit him, but when he was angry he clenched his hands into fists like he wanted to.

“Scrapping is for commoners. A pointed comment at a social event is a more effective weapon and you would do well to remember that.”

“Yes, Father,” said Subaki. There was little point explaining what the fight had been about so he just waited to be dismissed.

“Go,” said his father. “I’ll sort out this mess.”

Subaki retreated. On reflection, punching Sir Yukito’s son Aki probably hadn’t been a good idea. But when Subaki thought back to how the other boy’s cruel expression had crumpled into a broken groan, he found that he didn’t feel especially sorry. The other boy had assumed that Subaki’s small stature would make him easy pickings. He had assumed wrong.

Still, Subaki shouldn’t have hit him. His father was right. Hitting was imperfect. And messy. Aki’s nose had gushed blood all over his pristine clothes.

(Though after he’d hit Aki, the other boy stopped pulling Subaki’s hair and asking if he was secretly a girl)

Subaki looked back up at the sky. In the distant blue, he could see sky knights performing training drills. Subaki bet it was peaceful up there, alone with a gentle pegasus and no one else to get in the way. Maybe if he could join them, he’d finally know freedom.

2.

The ground was dry and hard beneath his sprawling limbs. His pegasus whinnied behind him, as if it had been her and not him who’d fallen uselessly to the ground. Sky knights were supposed to be beautiful, graceful the pride of Hoshido but he, Subaki –

Someone was laughing.

His cheek was pressed against the dirt and he felt himself flush in shame. This had been his chance and he’d messed it up. It took everything he had to swallow back his fear and try and right himself. Most mistakes he could hide or ignore or deny. But this – falling here and now -

Somehow, he raised his face. There was blood running into his eye. How had he fallen so fast, so hard? Maybe because he’d been showing off, maybe just a little. See how well I can fly, how quick, how perfectly I can perform even the most complicated of movements.

One momentary slip, a single imperfection and it had all been for nothing.

A hand reached out to help him up - soft, pale, feminine. With a start he looked into the eyes of Lady Sakura. Was it wholly appropriate to take the hand of a princess, even when offered it? Subaki didn’t know. But he could feel the eyes of onlookers and it seemed churlish to refuse. There was a surprising strength in her grip as she helped pull him to his feet.

“A-Are you alright?”

Lady Sakura reached up to brush her fingers against his cheek and he felt the pain cool, as though the wound was being bathed with water.

“Your Highness.” He swallowed. “I – I don’t usually make mistakes like that. You’ve caught me on a rare, imperfect day.”

Subaki knew the grin he flashed looked easy and relaxed. He’d practiced it in the mirror until he could get the expression just right.

“W-well. We all have imperfect days,” said Lady Sakura. “Why don’t we start again?”

3.

“I brought flowers,” said Lady Corrin. “Is that a weird thing to bring a man?”

The flowers in question were arranged in a blue vase, an exquisite thing that caught the light. It wasn’t like Subaki deserved anything of the sort - Lady Corrin must feel quite sorry for him. He smiled but softer, sadder than his customary perfect grin.

“They’re lovely. Thank you.”

“It’s not every day a hero like you comes to my rescue. You took quite a hit for me.”

A question sat between them unanswered: why? The two of them weren’t close. They were somewhere between acquaintances and comrades. Had he just acted for Lady Sakura, who would be unable to bear losing her beloved sibling all over again? Or maybe-

“Next time I won’t get hit,” said Subaki. “I’ll work on my evasion technique.”

Lady Corrin shook her head. “Your technique was fine. No one could have evaded that Nohrian axe.”

“You are very kind but I must apologise for causing you so much trouble,” said Subaki. “I was the one who ruined the ambush, after all.”

“It was just as much my fault,” said Lady Corrin. “I put you in an awkward position. And myself in an even more awkward one.”

“You trusted me to be perfect and I failed.”

Lady Corrin reached out and lay her hand gently on his. People from Nohr were tactile and the princess often forgot that Hoshidans were more reserved. Still, her hand didn’t feel wrong there. The princess didn’t speak again until Subaki looked away from her hand and up to her face.

“You didn’t fail. We’re still alive, aren’t we?”

4.

The teacup was an heirloom, fine bone china with a delicate pattern picked out in paint. The green tea inside it was so overwhelmingly strong that a small cup could last an hour or more.

“So. You’re marrying the Nohrian princess.”

Subaki’s mother didn’t need to tell him she was unimpressed. Her voice dripped with barely disguised revulsion. Subaki forced his expression to remain blank and perfected his posture. He checked his hair was in order and then took another sip of his tea.

“Corrin is Hoshidan by birth.”

“One of the other princesses would have been better.”

“But Corrin is the one I’m going to marry. “

His mother sighed. She was disappointed. Again. Would Subaki look like her when he was older? Worry lines creased her face but her back was still ramrod straight and her hair was still a bright, defiant red.

“That princess will go back to Nohr eventually, leaving only your corpse behind.”

It’s nothing he hasn’t wondered about himself. But hearing someone else say it stings more than he ever thought. No – it’s not just that it’s someone else. It’s because it’s his mother.

“I just don’t want you to make a mistake you’ll regret,” she said. The malice had gone and now she was all perfect motherly tenderness and concern.  “We’ll find you another girl. A knight’s daughter, perhaps.”

“You aren’t listening, Mother. I’m marrying Corrin.”

Pause. Subaki forces himself to meet his mother’s eye.

“Do you never think of your family? As matches go, it’s hardly perfect.”

And there was the rage. Quiet, contained – but barely. That was his mother, quick to simmer and seethe. As Subaki tried to compose himself, he thought of Corrin’s hand on his. She was kind but a little ditzy, sweet but very sheltered. His mother was right – she wasn’t perfect.

But neither was he. And sometimes that was OK.

5.

“Sometimes I think about giving up on being a sky knight.”

It still left an odd feeling in his stomach when he looked at Caeldori and she looked back at him with his own eyes. Her ankle was in a cast. She had sprained it after taking a bad fall. He’d never seen her so despondent. He suppressed the urge to fall back on flattery and pretty words and spoke as plainly as he could.

“You mustn’t give up. It would be such a waste.”

Caeldori sighed and rubbed her eyes. She looked so tired. Maybe because Subaki couldn’t protect her. Another imperfection to add to the list.

“Is there any point? If I can’t be perfect?”

“Don’t think about being perfect.”

“Isn’t that a little hypocritical?”

“I don’t want you to end up like me.”

Caeldori scrunched her face up. She didn’t understand. Subaki tried to elaborate.

“Our family has always tried to be perfect. I think it’s a tradition I want to break.”

“But-“

Caeldori’s protest died on her lips. It was a hard thing to swallow. Everything they are is tradition. One hundred years ago, Subaki’s great-grandfather wore the same clothes, ate the same food, tied his hair the same way and served the same family. He’d been taught to be perfect and he taught the same to his son who taught it to his daughter who taught Subaki. And inadvertently, Subaki was teaching Caeldori. But he wasn’t just teaching her how to be perfect. He was teaching her how to be unhappy.

“You shouldn’t be afraid to make a mistake or occasionally take a risk. Sometimes they can lead somewhere good,” said Subaki. “And sometimes learning what _not_ to do can be just as effective as studying for hours.”

Caeldori was looking at him like he’d lost his marbles. Subaki sighed. There was nothing else for it. He was going to have to tell her about all his imperfections before she would listen to him. This was going to be one of the hardest nights of his life.

But if it helped put Caeldori on a better path, then it would be worth it. And the best place to begin was - 

“The first time I met Lady Sakura, I fell off my mount.”


End file.
